Monthly Archives: July 2011

If Dreams Came True (A Poem)

If Dreams Came True

There would be a lake in our house
The cellar door would lead to a coal mine
and the attic would be a shopping mall

If dreams came true
Sheila would be hot for me
but we wouldn’t be able to find any privacy
People would keep interrupting us
So we’d never be able to do it

If dreams came true
I’d be running down a hill
that gets steeper and steeper
until my feet no longer touch the ground
and I’d be falling

If dreams came true
I’d forget to put on my pants
and go to work in my underwear
Everyone would look at me disapprovingly
but no one would say anything
and I’d be embarrassed

If dreams came true
it would be a nightmare.

Notes from “The Screwup Song”

This is one of my most popular songs. I began writing it in October 2005. It started with the melody. I went jogging, and got this Irish folksong melody in my head. (I was a big fan of The Dubliners). Then came the words “here’s to”. I had to figure out, what are we drinking to? Being me, I never want to go mainstream, so obviously we can’t drink to success or love or happiness or any of that stuff. I’m a contrarian. So I thought, let’s drink to mistakes. I went home and started making notes. Here’s page 1. Note what I underlined. I quickly decided: this is a song about forgiving yourself. A friend of mine emailed me today to say that the song brought him to tears. Most people think it’s just a funny song or a drinking song. That’s only on the surface. This guy got it.